Over the past couple of weeks and especially last night for some reason, it hit me very hard that some may see me as a friend of convience. Others don't take the time to get to know me or invite me to do things simply because I don't have children at this point. I went to sleep last night with tears in my eyes because I realized I am tired of people not taking time to get to know me. So I started making a mental list of things that I enjoy doing that I don't think people know. I was going to share some of them here but decided that I will write the whole list in my journal. If you sincerely want to know, most of you have my email or phone number and you can ask. So anyway I was feeling really sorry for myself and then I remembered a talk that Sheri Dew gave in the November 2001 General Conference called"Are we not all mothers". For those of you who aren't members of my church, she was a leader of our womens organzation called Relief Society for several years. I remembered how at the time I was very single, had just moved into an apartment on my own, and how inspiring this article was to me at the time. I realized that I didnt have to have children to be a mom. In this talk she said, "Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve the 'mother of all living'--and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born...Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that, It is the essence of who we are aw women. It defines our identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our father gave us." Nowhere in this talk does she say that the only way we can be mothers is by bearing children. I realized then and now this principle. I can be an example and mother figure to children and youth who aren't my own. I know that Heavenly Father reminded me of this article and inspired me to look it up and read it again. I encourage you to read it so you will better understand where I am coming from.
I also decided that if people don't want to take the time to get to know me and become a true friend to me while I don't have children, then if and when we do sorry you aren't worth my time. There are many people and couples who for one reason or another don't have children. I remember having a conversation with my mom a few years ago where she encouraged me to always live my life to the fullest. If I spent every waking hour worrying about trying to have a child then one of two things would happen. I would either go totally insane or I would fall into a deep depression. So I choose to live life. I have found joy in hobbies. Right now its quilting. Oh the joy and peace it gives me. I'm grateful for a dear friend for introducing me to it when John and I first got married and when I moved here. She saw that I needed a friend and this provided a way.
I don't post this so you can feel sorry for me. I post it so you can understand that there is a whole lot more to me and to vent. I do have feelings and am very tender hearted. Sometimes I wear my feelings on my shirtsleeve as my mother calls it. I'm also too nice and won't tell people no. Well those are things I have been working on the last few months. So don't be offended if you ask me to do something and I tell you no. There's a reason for it and I may or may not tell you.